I think I mentioned I was a figure skater. I take it seriously. It is my passion. It provides me a freedom I never really thought possible. Last week while doing a jump combination, I fell on the second jump (missed the toe pick) and went crashing. I fell and broke my ankle in 3 places; left side, right side and the back. Yesterday I had surgery to reset it all with steel plates.
Since the 31st, I have been camped out in my family room, working from home and managing life from the sofa in between all my pain. Yesterday morning I went to the hospital early in the morning before the kids awoke to have surgery. For some reason I wasn’t worried about this surgery. I’ve had about 4 or 5 surgical procedures; some of the sports related, so I know the routine. I know that the first week following any procedure is hell and you just have to get through it. After that, the gray clouds start to brighten and you just know you are on the road to recovery.
So yesterday when I awoke in the recovery room I was afraid and totally shocked at the state I was in and it reduced me to tears. Not just a tear, I was sobbing like a child. Immediately the recovery room nurse came over to see what was wrong and what she could do to make it better. Naturally, I was in intense pain and I needed more pain medication..but what I managed to get out through my sobs was that they couldn’t send me home like this to my children. That my boys couldn’t see me this way and that doing so would be hard on me but on them. Right away she sent for my husband to come up to the recovery area and I cried it all out to him. He just stood there holding my hand. (LDT: He tends not to say much at these times. I am the rock at home and when the rock is bruised…it is hard for him to keep himself together…so the outcome is that he will be silent.) But they all heard what I was really concerned about and everyone sprang into action.
The pain was super intense. I couldn’t manage it. The boys can’t see me this way I feared. They would be worried and they shouldn’t be. All week I’ve been working with them to let them know that I was fine and that they didn’t need to be concerned. But at the same time, my mind was saying that I couldn’t stay in the hospital over night. That doing so would only create the type of anxiety I was hoping to avoid so I felt stuck and out of options..and I cried.
In the end, they got the pain medication type and dosage right. The doctor came back and added another level of pain relief called a “Block”…and that helped a great deal. I pulled myself together and after a few hours I went home. The boys saw me…and right away they told me they were scared because I wasn’t home when they woke and they didn’t know what was going on. I laughed and reminded them that I did tell them I was going to have surgery and that I would see them later. I gave them some hugs and kisses as we made our way to the sofa for me to resume my position managing life from the sofa in the family room. But this time, I also noticed that they both lingered just a little longer to hold my hand.