As I am sure I mentioned, I constantly waiver in my decision around allowing my boys access to their mother.
Sometimes I feel like not giving her access make my life easier. At other times I feel it makes the lives of my boys easier…I can never be too certain.
Recently, my son asked to talk to her and so I called her and scheduled a call.
When the day came, one was clearly excited to speak with her, the other was not interested in talking with at all. So much so I had to plead with him to do it for me.
But true to form, she ruined the experience for them. She asks no questions. She doesn’t inquire about their lives and activities at all. Then she tries to get them to talk to her boyfriend and I always interject and advise that is not the purpose of the call.
Then she tried to get her relatives to talk to them…relatives that are not really their relatives. These people are strangers to them and it feels like they try to pull my children into a world that doesn’t exist.
Finally she asks them for things she should know they can’t do on their own. It’s manipulative to ask them to send her pictures, to write her or to call her at another time. It is just wrong and I wonder if she realizes what she is doing.
By the time the call is through I am filled with regret for having reached out. Further when I look at my boys, I am not sure of the positive impact these contacts are having; especially since one of them clearly doesn’t want to be bothered with her.
Because it’s something I can never really know, my struggle continues…