Pillow talk is a powerful thing…and because of it, you never know what makes a particular relationship tick. Even when two people seem an unlikely pair…its best to not question because their pillow talk is something you’ll never understand unless you are involved in it.
For me, that something special is distance and separation. Now that may sound odd to some but I firmly believe that one thing that makes my marriage strong is the amount of time we spend away from one another. I need that time. I need time to focus on me. To focus on my interests, to have my own space and quiet time. To be able to daydream about the things I wish, imagine and fantasize about. Being away allows me to return to him, happy and grateful for him. Being away from one another also allows the critical me to not focus on the little unimportant things. When my husband comes home, we are always so happy to see him that his leaving things all over the house, his messy way of cleaning the kitchen or the way in which he allows the kids to get away with murder just seem to not be worth complaining about. We know he will only be here for a few days so instead we focus on making the most of our time together.
Well that has changed…and in some ways I am struggling. You see, he recently changed jobs and in doing so, it has allowed him to live home with us for the first time in 3 years. In some ways this is absolutely wonderful but in some other ways, I’ve been struggling.
For starters, the having to reintegrate households is frustrating. I had no idea he had so much stuff in the apartment he maintained…and that stuff does seems to be everywhere. For years, we’ve shuttled between our homes in NY, Seattle and Chicago. Now as we are downsizing we have 2, sometimes 3 of the same thing. I am a person who believes everything has a place and now, I’ve not enough places for all the stuff. I feel like I am living in constant disarray. Yes, things are slowly falling into place but getting it there leaves me feeling like I am constantly picking up and putting things away. I can’t rest until its all done. I feel like am going insane.
Then you have the amount of “togetherness”…which I am having to adjust to. My husband is a very touchy affectionate person and I am not nearly as much. I like that he is that way…I think he balances me in that regard but when all of that affection is directed at you, man its exhausting.
Oh and let’s not forget that to the children, I no longer exist. When I wake them for school their first thought is to ask if he is still here. They aren’t interested in sharing their day with me..they want to share it with him. Bedtime is a struggle because they want to stay up and talk to him. I have become the grinch. I am the one that reminds them to stay on task. I remind them of the routine; keep them on schedule. I suggest that things haven’t change just because he’s home. I have suddenly become the bad guy.
I know it is just a matter of time and that I/we will adjust and settle into a nice rhythm…but until that happens…I remind myself to be grateful for my many blessings. I encourage myself to “let it go” and to not worry about the unpacked boxes or overflowing shelves. I caution myself to be grateful for him and to find comfort in the many things he does each day just to make sure I am happy.
Like this morning for example, when the boys came to wake us at 6:30am he got up, fed them and the dogs and allowed me to sleep until 8am…when he came to get me he had lots of kisses, hot tea prepared and a back rub.
He knows me so well!